scared and lost

I remember feeling scared of my body. I was about 20 years old when I started having all sorts of health challenges, one after another. First it was pneumonia (not diagnosed timely because it was a flu season and many people had similar symptoms). Right after that there was a long struggle with a chronic sinus infection with dull, constant headaches. After that there was a kidney infection with outbreaks of high fever, which wasn’t reacting much to multiple courses of antibiotics.

A few years were spent in a state of constant struggle and fear, expecting the next bad surprise from my body. At that time, my body was my enemy. I felt powerless while it had all the control over me. At that moment it was impossible for me to believe that I would ever look at my body as an ally. That I would understand its way of communicating, its language, its purity, its endurance.

searching for solutions

As every challenge, mine helped me to find something valuable. Because antibiotics didn’t help much and I was not ready to remove one of my kidneys, I had to search for other solutions.This is how I found healing. Thankfully, there were people there ready to help. I didn’t know how but their methods worked. Homeopathy, herbs and energy streaming from their hands helped me out.

I also found books that explained that any health issue that manifests, is there for a reason. I learnt that every symptom brings a message. It prompts us to dig dipper – to look at our emotions, to deal with our conflicts, to face all the unpleasant stuff in ourselves. Reading and searching for over 20 years has helped me to piece together a sequence that normally leads to a disease:

Disharmonious Belief => Negative Emotions => Disease

It all starts with a belief that in some way creates a disharmony and disrupts energy flow within the human system. Although I do not like to label any emotions as negative, but for the ease of explanation, this is what a person feels when disharmonious beliefs are present. Once these two elements are present but disregarded, the body will be forced to develop a physical condition or a symptom of some sort.

healing sequence

How can this chain be reversed? In principle through another one, a chain of healing:

Awareness => Understanding => Knowing

While awareness is the first and the most difficult step to take, it is not the end state. For example, if you, like myself, have a thyroid issue, and somebody tells you that it means that you have to speak your truth, it might raise your awareness about the possible cause of the problem. But it is not enough to resolve it, until we understand how this issue manifests in our particular life situation, how it originated and grew, how it impacted our life and how it continues to work in us.

Once we understand the issue so well that we know exactly how it works, there will be no point for our body to keep sending us the message through a symptom.

(If you’d like to understand this principle better, here is a link to a Pathwork material)

At the end of the day, what I learnt from my experience and research was that I always have been in control of what was happening with my body. I just needed information to understand the principles behind it all. I know for sure that the body was not my enemy, it just had to speak up in its own way, to bring my attention to what truly matters.

P.S. If you are looking for answers as to why you have a certain health issue, you might be interested in books by Luule Viilma and Louise Hay.


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